Trying To Conceive After TFMR
Making the heartbreaking decision to terminate a pregnancy for medical reasons, also known as TFMR is one of the most heartbreaking choices any parent will ever face. When you’re ready to start trying to conceive again, this can be a hard process because you might still be navigating the grief of your baby as well as the worry that something will happen if you have another baby. If you have gone through this, just know that you’re not alone and other people have gone through the same things as you. Trying again and hoping for a healthy baby is all things parents hope for, but some have to make a decision to end a wanted pregnancy for medical reasons, and this can be not just physically painful, but psychologically painful as well.
What Is TFMR?
TFMR is ending a pregnancy due to a medical reason for the baby or for the mother. This decision isn’t an easy one, and is something discussed with healthcare professionals, therapists, or close family and friends.
It’s important to know that TFMR is different to other types of pregnancy loss because you’re making the hard decision of ending a wanted pregnancy, usually to prevent any suffering or serious condition that would affect your baby’s quality of life or your own.
When Should You Try to Conceive Again After TFMR?
When you want to try and conceive again, most people consult with their healthcare provider to make sure it’s a good time. Some things that can contribute to when you should try to conceive again include:
The method of termination (i.e. Dilation and Evacuation or Labor and Delivery)
Your healing process
Any complications during or after the procedure
If there’s an underlying condition
Another thing to take into account when thinking about conceiving again is how you feel emotionally, whether or not you need fertility treatments, and the feasibility. Some people may need more time before they feel like they can try again, and that’s okay because there is no "right" time to try. For some parents, adjusting to the idea of trying again and the uncertainty that comes with it can take longer to adjust to. Some things to consider:
How your partner feels (which may differ from yours)
Whether you've had genetic counseling, if recommended
Your support system
Talking with a therapist about how you feel
Your ability to cope with any emotional and physical things that come with another pregnancy
Feeling Guilt & Blame
Guilt, doubt, or self-blame can be hard to deal with when you end a wanted pregnancy. Even if you want to try again, you may still have mixed emotions. Acknowledge that your grief and feelings are valid, and that guilt is a normal part of being human.
Choosing Your Healthcare Team
You might want to stay with the same maternity team that you used for your pregnancy, or find a different healthcare provider. For some, it might be hard to go back to the place where you experienced a traumatic event and sad memories, while others may feel reassured by the familiarity of the team that supported their last pregnancy and know their health history.
Managing Trauma Triggers After TFMR
When you get pregnant again, you may feel triggers such as trauma when you get tests, scans, and during appointments. When you can't avoid these triggers because you are in the same situation as before, you might have physical symptoms like shaking, sweating, or feeling out of breath. Here are some coping strategies:
Carry sensory grounding objects (i.e. marbles, crystals, or a special necklace)
Wear headphones and listen to calming music
Practice breathing techniques
Bring someone to appointments who you feel safe with
TFMR Therapists
It's important for parents to feel supported when working through the decision to try to conceive again after TFMR. Working with a specially trained TFMR therapist can make a difference in your healing process. Find a TFMR therapist, or take our course about finding clarity around terminating. Remember you’re not alone in this. We’re here to help.